Emma flopped onto the bed, her bare legs tangling with Jake’s as she grinned up at him. “Okay, you asked for it. But you have to promise not to laugh so hard you go soft.”
Jake propped himself on one elbow, already half-hard just from the way her tank top rode up. “Deal. Hit me with the first one.”
She traced a finger down his chest. “So this one time, I was with this guy who insisted on doing it doggy style on his kitchen floor. Everything’s going great, right? I’m moaning, he’s slapping my ass, and then his rescue dog jumps up and starts licking his balls from behind.”
Jake snorted, but his hand slid under her shirt anyway, cupping her breast. “No way. What did he do?”
“He yelped so loud I thought he’d pulled something. I turned around and the poor guy was trying to shoo the dog while still inside me. I started laughing, which made me clench, and then he came instantly. Like, record time. We called it the ‘canine assist’ after that.”
Emma’s fingers wrapped around Jake’s cock as she spoke, stroking slowly. He groaned, hips twitching. “That’s disgusting and hot at the same time. Your turn for the next story while I do this.”
He rolled her onto her back, kissing down her stomach until his mouth hovered over her panties. She lifted her hips, letting him tug them off. “Fine. Another one. I once hooked up with a yoga instructor who kept trying to narrate positions like it was a class. ‘Now exhale into downward dog, but make it sexy.’ We were in the middle of missionary when he said, ‘Feel the stretch in your hips,’ and I cracked up so hard I queefed right in his face.”
Jake laughed against her thigh, the vibration making her shiver. “Queefed? Seriously?”
“Dead serious. He looked so offended, like my pussy had insulted his teaching credentials. I couldn’t stop giggling, and every time I did, another little sound slipped out. He ended up laughing too, and we finished with me riding him while we both snorted like idiots. Best orgasm I’d had in months because we couldn’t take anything seriously.”
Her story trailed off into a moan as Jake’s tongue finally dragged over her clit. She threaded fingers through his hair. “Keep going like that and I’ll tell you the one about the broken headboard.”
He pulled back just enough to speak, voice low and teasing. “Tell it. I want to hear you try to talk while you’re coming.”
Emma’s breath hitched as he licked again, slower this time. “Okay… we were going at it in this old bed, him on top, pounding away. The headboard was loose. Every thrust made it bang the wall. I was close, right on the edge, when the whole thing cracked and collapsed on us. We were trapped under the mattress, still fucking, laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe. I came while pieces of wood were falling on my head.”
Jake slid two fingers inside her, curling them just right. “God, that’s the hottest weird story I’ve ever heard. You’re soaked.”
“Because you’re listening,” she panted. “Your turn. Story for a story.”
He climbed up her body, lining himself up. “I don’t have funny ones. Mine are just awkward. Like the time I tried dirty talk and accidentally called a girl by my ex’s name. She slapped me mid-thrust and we kept going anyway.”
Emma wrapped her legs around him, pulling him in deep. They both groaned. “That’s not funny, that’s tragic. Try harder.”
“Fine. Once I was with this girl who insisted on keeping socks on. She said it helped her come faster. So there we are, naked except for these fuzzy pink socks, and every time I thrust she’d wiggle her toes like she was conducting an orchestra. I lost it laughing, she lost it coming, and then I came from the sheer ridiculousness of it.”
They moved together, the pace lazy and playful. Emma reached between them to rub her clit. “Socks. That’s adorable. Okay, last story. I was giving this guy head in his car when the parking brake failed. We started rolling backward down a hill, my mouth still full, and he’s yelling ‘brake, brake!’ while trying not to come. I swallowed just as we hit a mailbox. We both laughed until we cried, then went for round two in the back seat with the hazard lights on.”
Jake thrust harder, the bed creaking under them.
“You’re evil. I’m never going to forget that image.”
“Good,” she gasped, nails digging into his back. “Now shut up and make me laugh for real.”
They tumbled through positions, trading ridiculous details between kisses and moans. When Emma finally came, it was with a snort of laughter because Jake’s elbow slipped and he face-planted into the pillow beside her. He followed right after, both of them shaking with aftershocks and leftover giggles.
Later, tangled and sweaty, Emma kissed his shoulder. “See? Funny sex stories always end with better sex.”
Jake smiled against her hair. “Then I can’t wait to hear the next one.”
